Dancing In The Rain
As our Queen TSwift says, "Life isn’t how to survive the storm, it’s about how to dance in the rain."
I’m taking a course through Sotheby’s on Art History from 1860 to Today and this week we read Adolf Loos’ “Ornament and Crime” article, published in 1908. The article talks about the idea of ornaments in general, how detailed work should be perceived, consumed and actually abandoned. His ideas clearly deviate from prior historical artist phenomena that “ornament increases the pleasure of a life of a cultivated person”.
One section of his writing states “The rate of cultural development is held back by those who cannot cope with the present.” Um…YES, Loos! I could not agree more.
To give more context on his theory here, he also states “Happy is the country which does not have such backward-looking inhabitants” because they are rooted in the present, looking toward the future and pushing their communities to be better every day by embracing new ideals. To Loos, when observing people, “lifestyles reflect their different attitudes.”
I’ve talked a bit in the past about my overly-positive mindset and how it can sometimes be difficult (or an unfair burden) for people to absorb, but I also think it is truly the thing that keeps me going. Not that I’ve had a particularly rough life, I’m actually incredibly blessed and my life has been a breeze compared to most probably. But the power of positivity and perspective (and a good morning walk) keep me sane and happy, amidst my many emotions. Side note:
just published an article on toxic positivity here. Short and sweet.My positive mindset isn’t always a given and it’s not all to say I am happy 24-7, but I know when it’s time to wallow and move on. It’s a muscle I’ve really worked at. The clearest example was when Jackie announced her pregnancy. She told me pretty much right away, I sobbed mostly out of happiness and joy, but also a bit of sadness (or jealousy) for myself. I was in a relationship that I felt like was going nowhere when I desperately wanted it to go somewhere. Age is only a number, I know, but at the same time my younger sister had gotten married and pregnant and was living out a dream I was trying to turn into reality for myself.
When Jackie shared her pregnancy with people, one of my good friends Claire texted me so excited for Jackie, but also asked “Are YOU okay?”. I cried again. At this point, the relationship I had been in was over and I felt even more behind in life than ever. Claire saw me and acknowledged that, although it’s the most amazing thing to have your sister bring life into the world, it can sting a bit sometimes. Honestly, that was all I needed. I had a good little cry and texted her honest feedback about how I was feeling and didn’t really look back.
Realistically, the announcement had nothing to do with me. It was about the growing Feidelson family. Their happiness was in no way taking away from my own, unless I let it. In the end, out of me, Jackie and Max, I have made out like a bandit - Jamie brings nothing but happiness and love (and some loud chats) into my life, and I get to hand him over when he needs a diaper change.
The years that are filled with bachelorettes, weddings and baby celebrations can be reminders of what you don’t have for yourself, but they don’t have to. Just because someone else is having a joyous experience, doesn’t automatically equal pain for you. I saw Grace Freyre’s post on Instagram asking “why does it have to be an OR when it can be an AND?” and I feel like it speaks to this idea. It’s not celebrating a friend’s engagement OR yours. You’re not giving something up, other than time (and maybe money 😉), to be there for your friend. You are actually adding to your life in memories, happiness and connection - priceless things. These experiences and celebrations should always be “AND”.
Yes, I acknowledge that it’s hard when you have event after event without your clear distinct celebration on the horizon. But this brings me back to what Loos was saying and, combined with Grace’s question, I ask you this: does one friend having a baby before you take anything away from your experience having a baby? Does one sister finding her partner in high school and marrying him take anything away from the other sister finding her partner and getting her own happily ever after? Absolutely NOT! If anything, the friend who has a baby later in life will be probably be more equipped to realistically understand what she’s about to experience when she grows her own family. And that sister gets her first brother and has more people in her corner to cheer her on through the rollercoaster called life. Things can be hard, but why make it hard when it really doesn’t have to be. This isn’t to say that certain experiences in life should be diminished when working through them. I’m talking about the idea of comparison and how it can be the thief of joy or the present.