Feelings are not Fact
A learning I'm working through.
Our dad always jokes how if he asks me, Gabby, “how are you?”, my guaranteed response is “I’m good! How are you?”
My friend Alana also notices and laughs about this. They both know me well enough to sense my surface response isn’t typically actually how I’m doing. Maybe I don’t want to talk about my true feelings in the moment, maybe I am genuinely doing well, or maybe I just need to be asked a few more questions to uncover a more meaningful response.
I was thinking about this and how sometimes maybe I’m just a little nervous (not sure that’s the right word) to share a genuine response off the bat, because I don’t want my present feeling to be a reflection of my overall state. Let me explain this further, through relationships to start.
If Jackie texts me she is having a bad day because Jamie didn’t like the cup she served his milk in and wanted to hang out with her instead of the babysitter and a million other things, I immediately want to “save” her. This is actually so dramatic of me, but it’s true, so I’m going to power through sharing my thoughts. Jackie having stressful feelings or experiences is gut-wrenching to me. When Jackie tells me something doesn’t feel right, I need to fix it or help her through the situation. When she shares hardships, it makes me feel like she’s in a code red moment and is a reflection of not just the moment she is sitting in, but her whole LIFE! Lol.
This reaction is simply not true or necessary. We have my therapist to thank for reminding me this.
Jackie texts me because I’m her #1 (sorry, Max, I’m taking this spot) sounding board. She knows she can share anything with me at any moment - not only because I probably will try and solve her for it, but because I’m always here to listen. Sometimes her venting texts consume me. And it’s not just hers. It’s any close friend of mine. Someone texting me for job guidance, shopping advice, a friend rift, baby updates, or just to say they’re not having a great day. Big or small things. I think about how people are feeling all the time because I’m equating it to something bigger than a in-the-moment conversation.
When I listen to my family and friends share their raw emotions, my gut reaction is to have empathy and compassion. This isn’t always the best reaction! I went to google to try and find the word of what I am working on being, and I don’t know if it even exists…?!