I’ve talked about my girlfriends a lot and how lucky I am to have them, but I rarely talk about my guy friends. As a single girl in NYC, they’ve become more and more important to me…not just because they go out more than me and can get me out of my homebody shell. I am so lucky to have them in my life and feel like I’ve gotten to reconnect with some old friends in new ways as we navigate our single lives parallel to other friends who are married and have kids.
It makes me laugh thinking how some of these guy friends have seen me through my worst, and most dramatic high school tantrums. The fact that we still can go out for dinner, have real conversations and support each other warms my heart.
It’s also pretty fun to have them around because they actually open up about their thoughts on dating and finding girlfriends. Who doesn’t want an inside look into a single guy’s brain?!
At dinner the other night with some of my closest guy friends, we were talking about the idea of “meant to be”. Let’s name my friends Josh and Kyle.
(loling as I write this because the second name was kind of hard to randomly think of? I wanted to go with another “J” name, but thought that would be confusing. I also wanted to make sure I don’t have a single guy friend with the same name I used)
Josh actively dates and is becoming more and more open minded about taking chances, whereas Kyle is very steadfast in his decisions. Attempting to change Kyle’s gut reaction is like trying to move an enormous boulder up hill. Impossible. I like to think my approach to dating is a mix of these guys - open minded in the beginning, and then very steadfast in my decision after an hour or two. I love both of them so much and sometimes can’t believe I have guy friends who I value just as much as my girlfriends. It also feels special that they care about me equally in return.
Back to our scene at dinner recently - Josh contemplates that there are so many dating options for him in the city that he’s almost too paralyzed to commit to any one relationship, but also regrets some of the dating decisions he’s made in hindsight. I told him “what’s meant to be, won’t pass you by”. In response, Josh asked me if I use this saying to rationalize the decisions I’ve made that I may regret, because he’s not sure he believes in that statement.
My heart broke. Imagine living with such little sense of…hope?
I have to admit, that I go there a lot myself, but I have to hope that the statement holds some truth. I’m not sure I believe it every day, but I hope one day I will look back and understand the meaning of that statement.
I go back and forth believing in “meant to be” a lot because where there is hope, there is also opportunity for disappointment. And if I don’t hope for something, or believe in something, then when it doesn’t come to fruition, I don’t feel disappointed. No one likes to be constantly disappointed, especially when it comes to love. It’s hard to be steadfast in your positivity when you hope for things that just may not be part of your journey. It’s hard because it means you care, and caring for something that doesn’t exist, or someone who lets you down, really hurts.