Trusting My Instincts and Living in the Present

How my horoscope obsession has become a guiding light.

I’ve always had a fascination with the spiritual side of things and look for “signs” to tell me I’m on the right path or that everything will be okay (or as Jackie said the other week, it will all work out!). While not religious, I wholeheartedly believe that everything happens for a reason and someone is looking out for me, making sure I achieve my goals and helping me towards all I deserve.

I’m also the type of person who loves to talk things through. I have few boundaries and have to remind myself to respect those of others. I also am pretty decisive at times. When I really want something or know something, I feel it deep inside and there is little to be done to sway me. Whether it’s picking a place for dinner based on a distinct craving, deciding on a vacation destination, or signing an apartment lease, I execute on things the second they feel right to me and am genuinely ambivalent when I don’t have that gut instinct.

On the flip side, there are also plenty of times, mostly in relationships, where I think I struggle to listen to my gut and and act less instinctively. In friendships and romantic relationships, I tend to have a less assertive approach, waiting for the other person to reveal more of themselves and allowing their opinion to influence mine. Sometimes, I shy away from picking a fight or sharing what I actually want because I intuitively know what the other person will say and am not in the mood to argue. But if I dig deeper, and if we’re being honest, I’m probably scared of their response. In hindsight, when reflecting on these situations, I realize I’ve lost my sense of intuition, chosen to ignore it, or buried it deep down inside.

I can’t remember when I started to look into my horoscope more or how I stumbled upon Vogue India’s Horoscope page in particular, but it is my go-to site. Just over a year ago, my then-boyfriend and I were going through a tumultuous period that came to a head just before the Thanksgiving holiday. I pulled up the horoscope page the night before flying back to NYC to discuss our situation. My daily reading related so closely to my life, it felt like it was looking into my soul. I realized I’d had a hard time following through with my instincts for a couple of months and, while there was still a lot of love in our relationship, the time to follow through and go our separate ways had come. The horoscope legitimately guided me; it gave me the affirmation I was looking for from a higher power and I boarded my flight back to New York with a sense of clarity.