Why my first business failed
Or at least one reason...
Hi everyone! It’s Jackie checking in with Mishmosh readers this week!
Between family members, we often look at Jamie and Lila and try to decide where they received certain attributes from. Where did Jamie get his dimple, curly blonde hair, or gap between his two front teeth? But also, where did Jamie get his strong will, creativity, or need for perfection (i.e., OCD)? Some qualities are really easy to attribute to a family member. Others feel like maybe they’re just Jamie.
One quick aside to this point…Since Jamie was little (pre-one-years-old) he’s done what we call a shake. He balls his hands up into tiny fists and shakes his arms / whole body with intention. It happened when he was excited, frustrated, or really determined (aka wanted something right away). We used to watch him and ask… where does this come from?! The doctor said it was fine and normal so we’d let him “shake” away! Lol.
Lila’s been such a chill, relaxed, easygoing baby that I was sure her personality wouldn’t leave us wondering where crazy qualities came from. But, believe it or not, Lila just started doing the shake!! Her shake is a force of determination. Try taking a piece of food or water bottle away from her and she’ll shake with fierce power. Just today, she found and started enjoying Jamie’s leftover applesauce pouch. I took it from her thinking it was empty and I should throw it in the trash. BIG MISTAKE. And she let me know it.
All this to say, maybe the funny quirks aren’t “just Jamie”...
Anyway, back to my original track.
As I watch Jamie and Lila go about their days, I can’t help but reflect on their behavior and ask myself - is this coming from me?? I wonder this particularly during crazy, inexplicable tantrums. I wonder this when hunger strikes and all hell breaks loose. I wonder this when frustration peaks and feet stomp on the ground for dramatic effect.
It’s quite humbling honestly.
The other day Jamie and I were making our way from the basement to the kitchen and wanted to bring with him a toy tow truck, water bottle, guitar, foam roller (aka his leaf blower, don’t ask), leftover snacks, and a hammer. As he made his way to the stairs, he kept dropping different items. He almost got absorbed in his frustration, until I swooped in and suggested we leave some of the big items and I’ll carry the rest.
I laughed in the moment thinking: this is me!!
I used to (still do?!) walk around with arms full of items, trying to do more or add more to my plate. I remember doing this even when I was a little girl. I have a vague memory of holding my stuffed animal in one hand and a book in the other, while trying to pick up a glass of water. My mom watched with frustration while telling me to put something down so I could use both hands. I think she was a little annoyed that she had to serve me such basic advice. But ironically, these days, I find myself telling Jamie to put down his water or snack and use both hands to pick up a book. I guess we’ve come full circle.
I see so much of myself in Jamie when it comes to his pace of life. He wants to do a lot really quickly and get it right on the first try. That was me starting my first small business.