This week’s letter from me, Gabby, is kind of like a three for one - lucky you! Each section is pretty short, but hopefully inspires or resonates with some of you.
Starting this week’s letter with a follow up to Gabbing Away - adding some recaps, updated thoughts, and new finds.
Going in order here…
I wrote about my love for The Cut and pulled the trigger in subscribing, but more specifically because Jerry Saltz is launching a pop-up newsletter with his favorite things. I subscribed to the digital and print version and have a vision of myself sitting somewhere trendy on Sunday morning reading my New York Magazine.
I had to switch up my breakfast recipes because I felt like I was becoming an egg after eating so many eggs. Also, my dad freaked Jackie and I out about eating too many eggs. So, I made these breakfast meatballs on Sunday in large batch and they’re so good. Don’t judge the odd combination of foods and just trust the recipe. I plan to make the energy balls
shared on Sunday in addition to re-stocking my meatball supply.In my sustainable shopping era, I recently purchased this sweater (which I can’t stop wearing) and these shoes. I’m eyeing these Nili Lotan pants, trying to find a chic denim skirt that will fit my pear body, and this funky The Frankie Shop vest.
On a not-so-sustainable shopping spree, but an oversized pants investment spree, I am a proud owner of these Me+Em pants and match with Jackie in these denim trousers. Also,
inspired me to buy these when they were on sale and I must say, I am incredibly impressed with the fit and feel of them!I still don’t know what to wear going “out”, but think this top could be cute?!
Ahhhh…TV! I started Baby Reindeer and had to turn it off after skipping through most of episode 5. It was disturbing to say the least and I do NOT recommend watching it unless you are a twisted person. I have chills thinking about it and actually hate how the show made me feel. Instead, I turned to finishing Never Have I Ever, which is the cutest show on the planet. I finished most of it in record time and really enjoyed it. I also watched The Idea of You twice over the weekend and will now be extremely upset if I don’t have a meet-cute soon with a hot British popstar. I’d also like Anne Hathaway’s collar bones and wardrobe. Thanks.
Other things…
I did end up seeing Lempika and couldn’t recommend it more. So moving.
Postcard is a new gluten-free obsession for me. Try the Lemon Bun and Miso Chocolate Chip Cookie.
I tried the sleep mask. I love it! I am a converted sleep mask person. Reach out if you want to hear more about why :)
I have a version of this toy for Sunny that I fill with treats if I’m going to be leaving her home longer than normal. She goes nuts for it.
Going back to Fort Greene next week to see Norah Jones with Jackie for her Bday! Cue flash backs to nostalgic car rides with our mom listening to her. We’re going to Walter’s before and either Bleecker St Pizza or JG Melon after. Mama’s night out!
I’m really working on talking to strangers, but not just anyone, the right strangers. For the purpose of my stage in life, strangers means normal looking, age-appropriate men.
I have no problem striking up conversation with girls, or older people. I have plenty of park friends who are also single-girl dog mamas, and met the cutest old couple Monday morning bird watching in the park. But when it comes to the cute guy who brings his dog to the same area Sunny and her friends run around at in Central Park, you couldn’t pay me to chat with him.
What is my problem?!
On the phone with my dad Monday he said something I already knew:
“Gabby, you’re going to meet someone. But I’ll tell you where you won’t meet someone. Sitting in your apartment.”
He proceeded to encourage me to spend nights taking myself out to restaurants when I find myself with no Friday or Saturday evening plans. I totally get it and romanticize the idea of sitting solo, in a chic black dress at the O’rsay bar. But…I also find myself very comfortable in a robe, becoming one with the couch, petting Sunny and watching a TV show with my favorite curry take out.
Encouraging myself to chat with a cute stranger or take the extra time to put on an outfit after 8PM just seems so hard. But is it actually that hard? I was walking Sunny one morning thinking to myself, “why do I make these things out to entail so much effort?”
I’m not very good at being spontaneous. My calendar fills up weeks in advance and I can tell you where I will be every weekend from now until Labor Day. If it’s on the calendar, I’m there (post to come on my pet peeve about the flakiness of others). Yet, if I have a “protected” Saturday night of nothing and find myself spontaneously having the motivation to do something, I won’t actually do anything about it. I will, as said above, throw on my robe, mold into the couch, and get in bed by 10PM.
Clearly, I need to change my mindset. It’s like getting into a workout routine - the hardest parts can be booking the class, setting aside time on your calendar, putting on your sneakers, and walking out the door. The class itself, feels like a downhill battle from there. However, once you make this a habit and routine, you’re setting repeat calendar holds, lacing up your sneakers while on the phone, or even, in my case, sometimes going to a workout class in basically your PJs (yolo).
I find that when I write things in my post, I’m forcing new habits into existence for myself. Thus, I’m writing here a vow to sit at a bar alone one night just because and to find a way to approach the cute guy in the park! Stay tuned…
For the majority of us, we’re living similar life paths through our mid 20s. We’re trekking from elementary to middle to high school and then hopefully attending college. After college, the expectation is that you’re getting a job. For many of my friends (UVA, home and Taft), we flocked to New York after college and ran around the city together having fun.
Just as COVID hit, my friends were getting into serious relationships that, for many, would turn into life partners. Friends left the city and started to have families of their own. Our paths diverged. I definitely want to write another, more scientific post one day about the love you share for your girlfriends (especially after reading Rhaina’s words!). But I thought I’d just give a few tips on how to stay close to your single friends when you may not be in the same boat. I’m so thankful that my friends have picked up on these!
Invite them over! Single girls are either alone or having to make an effort to go “out” when seeing people. Sometimes, the thing I want most is just to plop on a friends couch and hang out. We don’t need anything special to be entertained!
In a similar vain to the above, invite them into your family. I cannot tell you how appreciative I am when my friends who are mom’s invite me to hang out with their family. Maybe I’m an anomaly in this, but I don’t mind third-wheeling and I love helping my friends take care of their kids. I can’t part-take in the conversations about which diapers are best (unless I’m sharing Jackie’s opinion here), but letting me into your life and your day-to-day makes me feel included in another way.
If you can’t be together, including them in general always feels nice, too! I may not have planned a wedding, but shopping for clothes is something I’m down to do and keep an eye out for. Obviously, only if you want my opinion (sorry, Rach, for the overload these last few months). Bottom line, just because I’m not getting married doesn’t make me unhappy about your wedding process - I’ll be visiting my friend Lara in the fall in LA and suggested we go to Happy Isles and I’m SO giddy about this!
In the opposite vain, make time to also be girls together. I was a seventh wheel on a trip to Jackson Hole this winter and two of my friends shared a room with me while their SOs buncked up together in another room. It made sense logistically because of the bed arrangement, but I also had so much fun going back to our room together and catching up in a way you don’t when a true slumber party isn’t involved.
Don’t tell them you are setting them up if the boy is not going to text them. I do this to my co-single girls too and feel horrible. AND, I’ll tell you what people, I follow up with the boy when they haven’t texted my friend! Nothing is more disappointing than when someone says “He’s going to text you!” only for legit nothing to happen. Totally fine if they don’t want to go out with us, just say he isn’t into it. And if he isn’t confident enough to set up a date, don’t send him my way in the first place, please.
Offer to “play” on their dating apps, but don’t act clueless and say it’s “so fun”. It may feel foreign and silly because it’s not something that has to be a part of your daily routine, but it’s tedious for those who have to engage on them. The apps are pretty simple to figure out. You swipe left or right. You message. You go on a date. I would happily hand over my phone if someone wants to go through the 230948102 of horrible men on Bumble and filter through them for me. Max actually did a great job the other month for me :).
Talk about life! I don’t mind when people ask me about dating, but I’m also doing so many other interesting things I want to share with my friends. Whether it’s cool new art on display at work, a meditation workshop, or a new book I’ve read, I’m trying to stay busy and want to share my thoughtful ideas! I’m 100% down and happy to chat about baby, wedding and husband updates, but it’s also nice to connect on an adult level and remember how we relate to one another and why we’re friends in the first place. Side note: I used to think my parents basically had no life before my existence and it’s so funny to be on the other side now watching my friends having kids and knowing the lives we lived together before that. We’ve all done SO much!
Ideally, try to avoid comments like, “when you’re a parent…” or “you’re so lucky you don’t have to deal with [in-laws, babysitter arrangements, wedding stress, etc.]”. We know you mean well trying to resonate with us single gals or talk about the future, but it comes across as more condescending than not. Also, some of us may never get to be a parent, by choice or not, and I find those comments just don’t sit well with me.
These are just a few off-the-cuff thoughts! If you’re single, how do you feel appreciated by friends? What do you like to do with them?! Maybe Jackie will share an update soon from the mama-friend perspective.
So glad you liked the friendship interview! Thanks for mentioning us 💜
Friendships, putting yourself out there, getting yourself out of a rut. So relatable.
It’s so hard to change when it’s so comfortable and “out there is so unknown”.
I think sometimes we focus on the discomfort. I wonder if we could flip the switch and focus.
Eg you are now going out to find sustainable restaurants or affordable restaurants or restaurants that cater to dining alone. And do a wee review and a score out of 10. Like, “you can sit at a table overlooking the chefs, the waiters are attentive and chatty, the food was phenomenal 10/10!”